Weddings are by their nature an adult focused event. The celebration focuses attention on the bridal couple and celebrating their very special date. When adults consider inviting and involving children, one should consider the issue from a child’s perspective. What activities and events will be at a wedding to engage and entertain children? Is it realistic to expect an adult event to keep children from becoming bored and acting out?
Purpose for Inviting Children to a Wedding
Children are often part of the wedding party. They do provide some memorable moments and photographs. Couples sometimes have a strong desire to include children of relatives and friends in their wedding ceremony. Others feel pressured to include children in the wedding ceremony whether it is their personal desire or not. This is when couples need to define why they wish to have children in the wedding. Clear roles need to be established for the children during the wedding ceremony and reception.
Traditional roles for children do exist in wedding parties. If not old enough to serve as bridesmaids, girls are generally flower girls or junior bridesmaids. Boys generally take on the role of ring bearer and occasionally are invited to be a groomsman, or usher if a younger bridesmaid has been invited to participate. These roles are defined during the wedding planning.
The bridal couple will usually want the younger members to stay long enough to participate in wedding photographs. However, after the ceremonially positions are done, couples and parents need to consider the issue of how to keep children entertained in what is an adult focused event. Children who are not entertained can become challenging guests.
Deciding on Having Children Present
Couples have a right to plan their dream wedding that focuses on spending the day with adult family and friends. This concept is not always popular with parents who wish to bring their children to every event. However, couples should consider the style of wedding and reception they plan to have when making the decision about having children at a wedding.
Accommodating children at formal weddings is likely the most challenging wedding scenario. Providing additional child friendly entertainment in a separate venue often provides couples with the best method of keeping children and adults happy. Formal dinners and dances generally do not mix well with ideal child centered entertainments.
Couples can choose to accommodate families that wish to bring children to a wedding event. Some couples rent an extra room at the reception and provide food and entertainment for children in that room. This allows parents to check on children frequently, keeps children entertained and safe, and allows adults to focus on the wedding couple, not bored children. Others provide babysitting services at the home of someone local to the area.
Parents are encouraged to drop off children or use their own sitter to allow for an adult experience for all. If couples decide to have children at the wedding and reception, couples should consider what the children will be doing during the reception. It should not be the job of the caterers and other staff to entertain the children present. It can be dangerous when children are not properly supervised.
Couples Need to be Assertive
As with many wedding tasks, assertiveness is required to handle this situation. Couples will need to make the decision and then be firm in the choices made. Couples should clearly communicate their wishes to parents of children who will participate in the wedding party about expectations and duties. It is important that couples are clear about what role the children will have in the wedding and what accommodations will be made for the children during the wedding reception.
When couples have decided how to manage children invited to the wedding they will need to be prepared for special requests. Couples need to stay firm in the choices that have been made. Once they start making exceptions to the rules made, more people will expect exceptions and more will ignore the rules that have been established. Couples need to make rules they are willing to enforce regarding their wedding. It is also important that couples remember the rules when attending weddings after having children years later.
There are many decisions couples have to make regarding the wedding day. Making plans to manage guests in advance can make the day more pleasant. The choices couples make regarding children at a wedding are not selfish, but practical. Weddings are not child friendly events so couples need to consider how best to accommodate children or determine that children should not attend.
Christine Ledder - Chris Ledder is a former elementary teacher with experience in accounting. Freelance writing has allowed her to use both career paths in a ...
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